Ten Pieces of Plastic Crap you don’t need

Now that the world’s governments have decided to print enough extra money to bail out the banks so they can afford to lend us more money to keep on buying plastic crap from China that we don’t need, and make certain that there is enough cash in the kitty to keep persuading us that we do need it, I thought an article on the most useless rubbish available at the moment would be entertaining. I was prompted to write this after accidentally seeing a TV commercial for the first product on the list. I am not usually allowed to watch TV – My wife says I get too wound up when the advertisements come on

1. A Battery Powered Potato Peeler

Yup – A friggin’ battery powered potato peeler. This thing makes me angry in ways I do not fully understand and the manufacturer does a pretty good job of aggressively selling something destined to spend it’s entire life in a drawer until eventually being thrown on the trash heap. I mean – if you are too lazy to peel a potato by hand, you are almost certainly one of those people who buys frozen, ready peeled, partially cooked, hydrogenated, potato flavored food products anyway. Completely useless garbage

2. A Battery Powered Twirling Spaghetti Fork

Here I go getting all worked up again. Why, oh why would anyone need this? It serves no purpose whatsoever. If you are too inept with your hands to be able to twist spaghetti on a fork, you are going to be unable to work out how to change the battery, and this is another piece of junk almost certain to go straight in the trash after a short life in the bottom of a drawer.

3. A Battery Powered Ice Cream Cone

Anyone seeing a trend here? Not only are these all plastic crap no-one needs, they are all battery powered. Does everyone think global warming is just a bunch of lies made up by left-wing, radical atheist, scientists intent on subverting the free christian world?

4. The Hug Shirt

This thing runs on rechargeable batteries and when some one phones you on your bluetooth cell phone gets warm in places. This is apparently to simulate the feeling of whoever is calling hugging you. It was voted “Best Invention of 2006″ by readers of Time magazine. Which says something about Time magazine readers I guess. It still hasn’t reached production, so maybe some one in the company “Cute Circuit,” has seen the light? Who knows. Not actually made of plastic, but certainly crappy and useless enough to get on my list of plastic crap we don’t need.

5. French Fry Holder for Cars

If you were starting to get a little disappointed at the lack of accessories for your French Fries, this one is for you. A plastic piece of crap to hold your french fries (and ketchup) while you are driving along watching your DVD player, calling your friends, applying your makeup/shaving. Holy McCrap! I wonder if they come in a range of sizes. Big, Really Big and Very Very Big…….

6. Safety Toilet Seat for Kids

I have no idea who makes this. I have no idea how paranoid you would need to be to buy one. I have no idea why the kid in the photo is still wearing pants, but he looks old enough not to be in too much danger of injuring himself with a nasty toilet accident.In fact – I am not sure if this one is actually real I can hear the sales pitch now.

“Scared your child is going to die because of a loose toilet seat? Millions of American children are in danger of dying because of toilet seats. You need The Xtreme children’s safety toilet seat.” Good grief!

7. A Personal Condom Dispenser

For those times when you are just too horny to open a drawer? $28 for a plastic personal condom dispenser. According to the makers:

Previously reserved for gas station bathrooms, the condom dispenser moves into the bedroom (which obviously makes more sense) with the help of sleek materials and modern design. Condo-M, the personal condom dispenser, provides a discreet and stylish way to keep your condoms handy and in stock. You’ll never have to dig through the bathroom drawer or search the depths of your wallet again. And did we mention that safety is a huge turn on? Made in China.

How it works:
Simply remove the cap and deposit the condoms from the top of the case. The cap will descend with each withdrawal to indicate the amount remaining. Now go have some fun!

Sheesh!

8. The USB Hamster Wheel

Yes. This is a plastic pretend hamster that runs around a hamster wheel. Powered by plugging into a USB port on your computer. Why?

9. The Egg Cracker

Amazon were actually selling this pice of plastic crap for about $7. A device to crack eggs. You put an egg in it, tap it on the counter and the egg breaks. Do I even need to go into why this is totally useless? Go to Amazon and you will discover that, shock horror ! The egg cracker is no longer available. Who on earth thought this was a good idea?

10. The Charging cable that came with whatever electronic gadget you last purchased.

I do not own a lot of electronic gadgets. For work, I need a portable computer, a video camera and a phone. My wife owns a still camera and an iPod.

Not one single item we own between us has a cable that can be used for anything other than charging one device. None of the chargers can be used on anything else. Not one.The only reason I can see that this is the case is to make certain that I need to throw away the charger when my gadget breaks/wear out/gets stolen.

To all the electronic gadget makers such as Sony, Apple, Panasonic, Nokia etc,  I say this-

You sirs, are pieces of dog shit not worthy enough to grace the bottom of my oldest pair of shoes.

Well, it is my planet too – And I am sorely pissed of at these sacks of shit for doing this. What a waste! Most of these cables end up being burnt in a “developing country’s” trash mountain. Quite apart from the environmental damage done, what on earth makes these people think this is acceptable? How do Steve Jobs et al sleep at night? Watch the video and be appalled. Then realize it is your government encouraging this. How bad do things have to get before the so-called authorities take action?

Rather than continue in this negative way, I do also have a few useful ideas. This company, Green plug have a plan, or at least – part of the plan. Rather than allow manufacturers to keep on pissing away my/your/our resources purposefully wasting at every opportunity, they have a suggestion – A universal power adapter.

Story of Stuff will explain why the system has developed the way it has. And unfortunately, why it will continue to ensure it’s survival in it’s current form. Just look at how much money your government has somehow managed to find out of no where to prop it up.

Story of Stuff website for the rest of the video.

Sooner or later, we are going to run out of stuff to make stuff out of. And run out of places to throw the old stuff away into. And finally – I love this gadget – one “gadget” you should have if you own wooden floors and a baby:

The Baby Romper Mop

You know it makes sense