Since I quit smoking, I have put on some weight. Enough weight to make me feel uncomfortable. In fact – I have never been this friggin' fat in my life. I am a shocking 291 pounds. Now – I am a big boy and I can carry some extra weight, but having put on about thirty pounds over the last few years by sitting on my ass making a living blogging, and then giving up the weed I added almost immediately another forty pounds. Forty pounds! Christ on a Crutch! That all adds up to a small person. But – I was determined to give up the fags and that was my primary goal.
I bought myself a heart rate monitor and a mountain bike, because the mountain biking in France is awesome and attempted to lose the weight from quitting smoking in a controlled fashion by cutting down on what I ate and exercising with a lot of aerobic cardio. Huh! So much for that – I stopped gaining weight, but after three months of doing this all I have to show for it is a bad knee and a scale that stubbornly remains at 291 pounds. It is a French scale – so there is a hint of smugness about it when it says “291 pounds – still,” and I can feel the shrug and the suggestion that a French person would never let themselves go to such an extent - but – what can you do? English. Seeing as a bunch of my French friends tried quitting smoking the same time as me, using Champix – and they are all smoking again! I don't really care how smug the scales feel.
Anyway – time for a switch – I decided I needed something drastic and after much consideration decided to try the Atkins diet combined with switching my exercise up to more intense interval training with some weight lifting. I am sticking with dumbells – I don't want to look like Arnold Swarzenegger.
So – high fat, medium protein and low, low – non-existent – carbohydrate diet combined with some interval training to try and kick my metabolism into high gear.
First issue - Atkins diet and coffee. Not recommended, but you might get away with it depending. Who knew there is carbs in coffee? Although caffeine is not recommended, I am going to allow myself one cup with no sugar, because if one cup of coffee screws it up................
Either way - this is going to be a bastard – no morning croissant or beer in the evening. Dear me – sounds like purgatory. But – my wife is away and it really doesn't matter how slovenly or pissed off I get. If I can give up smoking (11th month) I can sure as hell give up sugar.................. right?
First day – Went shopping for the Atkins diet. I figured it would be a good idea to stock up on meat, fish and other such goodies as I will be allowed to eat. Two whole chickens, 8 chicken breasts, two steaks, a pack of bacon, several slices of ham, half a salmon, some lettuce, a few veggies and some tinned tuna later, I am – Jesus Christ! - 95 Euros lighter? And I didn't even buy any alcohol, seeing as the atkins diet does not allow alcohol in phase 1. So – the added cost of eating nothing but meat, fish, cheese and the occasional salad is going to be somewhat counteracted by not buying alcohol.
Having said that – wine is cheaper than bottled water in some cases. Oh well – I want my old 220 pound body back thanks – so some quick maths – that means 70 pounds to lose and the general consensus is to try and lose half your target in the induction phase (35 lbs). We shall see – I am committed to 2 weeks, but not sure I will stick with it for longer.
How did I feel on the first day? Honestly I felt like shit. Dizzy, light headed, wanting to kill some one – almost, but not quite as bad as the giving up smoking. Went for a bike ride AM, then did some weights PM. Breakfast was 4 slices of bacon and 2 fried eggs, lunch was a grilled chicken breast salad dripping in olive oil, and dinner was a Nicoise salad – lettuce, tinned tuna, onion, one tomato, boiled green beans, boiled egg and a big dollop of olive oil. Can't wait to go to bed because I am dizzy and can't stop thinking about that bottle of wine I didn't have. I slept badly with croissants and french fries drifting in and out of my dreams. No! Go away!
Second day – dare I get on the scales? OK – 288 pounds. Really? Maybe this will work. Only three pounds, but still – one can hope.
Went for a longish bike ride in the AM, about an hour and a half – took it steady, but did some pretty good hills. Still feel like shit – not dizzy any more, but a good headache – I had drunk so much water I was peeing every 20 minutes just about. Did some fast heavy dumbbells PM.
Breakfast – a three egg omelette with cream cheese and smoked salmon, lunch was a Chicken Tikka chicken breast with salad – lettuce, onion and bell pepper. Made an interesting dressing – Tabasco, lemon juice and olive oil. I am going to start writing some Atkins diet recipes, because most of what I am finding is garbage wanting to sell you some carbohydrate substitute. Dinner – steak with caramelized onions (just half an onion) and blue cheese with boiled mange-tout smothered in butter and black pepper. Fresh ground pepper is my friend. No tomato ketchup with Atkins.
Slept a little better, but had to get up to pee about ten times in the night, so I will have to watch how much water I drink.
Third day – woke up feeling a lot better, and discovered I am now just 284.6 pounds. If this keeps up, - which is unlikely – I will hit my target very quickly. Headache is gone now and I walked for an hour and a half this morning before having another breakfast omelet with smoked salmon and cream cheese. I will probably not exercise further today – just sit in the sun this afternoon instead.
To be continued.