President Obama Fixes US economy

Obama promises to have every citizen in a Ford Mustang by end-2009

President-elect Barack Obama shocked the financial world with his new “stimulus package,” as he introduced his economic advisers to an expectant crowd in Chicago this week. He not only promised an additional $700 billion, which is a slight increase from the $175 billion he was promising a few weeks ago on the run up to the election, he also promised to “get America back on track,” with his new “Mustang package.”

“It is simple economics,” stated Mr. Obama, “The US government has now committed 8,500,000,000,000 dollars to stimulating the economy. The population of the United States is 301,000,000, which is $28,239 per person in the population. Oddly enough, this is almost exactly the same amount of money as a brand new 2009 Ford Mustang GT Premium Coupe. And for a few bucks more, the GT Convertible.”

When asked if he intended to follow through with the previous administration’s promises of Wall Street bailouts, the President elect replied,

“Fuck that shit. What this country needs is a stimulation package for the people, not the Wall Street fat-cats. I promise to have every American in a brand new Ford Mustang by the end of 2009. I promised change, and change is what you are getting.”

A number of Wall Street bankers, hoping for more bailout money to spend on luxury condos in New York, drowned their sorrows with a case of bud light as they huddled ’round an empty garbage can burning derivatives for warmth when the news was announced and stock markets surged upwards 0.0000003%. Leading the charge were the big three automakers, finally out of the woods.

The CEO of Ford went out and ordered a new private jet immediately, but in deference to the company’s new policy of fiscal responsibility, declined the optional Merino wool carpets in favor of the standard wool, saving the company an estimated $3,000.

Finally an American President who sticks to the credo, “by the people, for the people.”

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