Insults with a touch of class

After recieving a certain amount of insults for my political/religious beliefs, most of which boil down to - You are a douchebag," I thought it might be fun to re-print a few insults that actually had class, and showed some wit, so here they are:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

-Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

-Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

-Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

-Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

-Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

-Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one."

-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."

-Winston Churchill's response to George Bernard Shaw

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

-Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

-John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

-Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."

-Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

-Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."

-Walter Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

-Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

-Mae West

"Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"

-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party

"Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!"

-Winston Churchill's response to Lady Astor

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

-Moses Hadas

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."

-Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."

-Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

-Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."

-James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

-Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

-Forrest Tucker

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know."

-Abraham Lincoln

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

-Mae West

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than illumination."

-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

-Billy Wilder

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

-Oscar Wilde

"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."

-The Earl of Sandwich

"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."

-John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

-Winston Churchill

I must admit, Winston Churchill seems to have been able to give as good as he got. Which reminds me of one of my favorites. I cannot remember who, but some woman said to Mr. Churchill, in disgusted tones:

"Mr Churchill - You are drunk."

To which Churchill replied,

"Yes, Mrs. Jones (or whoever), but, you are ugly, and in the morning - I will be sober."